i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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