Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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