my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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