I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
