can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Someone signed my nipple.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
