I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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