Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
