Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
