he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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