Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
