I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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