Non-Jews are for practice
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
