So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
