Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
