we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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