I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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