Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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