ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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