i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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