"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
