Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize