proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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