Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
