Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize