Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
