ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
She even gives head with a lisp.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Randomize
