dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just threw up on my dentist
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
