I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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