tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
