I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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