i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
