I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
