I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
