im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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