She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
