This girl is more easily done than said...
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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