Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
