Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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