Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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