she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
