I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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