i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
smell my finger.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
