so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Randomize
