I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
