Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
