Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
