do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
