we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
