Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
