My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
