you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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