I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
