he shaved USA in his pubs
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
