Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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