Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize