Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
