Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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