we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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