im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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