I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You can't motorboat a personality
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
