Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
