Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Randomize
