What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
