Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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