i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
