I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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