is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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